The Gamble

I’ve been binge watching "Call the Midwife" the last few days. Drake likes for me to sit right beside him when he isn’t feeling well. So, I’ve been watching that while he watches his videos. It’s been nice.

One particular episode had a lasting impression on me. Many children born with a disability, way back when, were institutionalized. It wasn’t necessarily that the parents didn’t want the child, it was sometimes because they felt they couldn’t care for him/her properly. In this particular case, the parents felt immense guilt because they thought perhaps they had caused their son’s Spina Bifida. The mother was suffering from depression and the father was at a loss since then it was proper for the mother to care for the child. It was all quite difficult for me to watch, yet I realize that was a different era. 

They planned to put him in a rather upscale institution where he would have been cared for quite well. However, upon inspection and talking to a couple of residents,  the father realized that his son was worth taking a gamble on. He decided that he and his wife could do this and help their son have the best possible life.  To some, gamble, may be a poor word choice but I was rather inspired by that particular word. My eyes filled with tears because sometimes that’s what we do as parents of these different abled children, we take a gamble.

We gamble against what doctors may tell us our children can and cannot do.

We gamble by placing them in the hands of therapists and teachers.

We gamble with which therapy is best or if all the therapy is too much.

We gamble when people ask us the “outcome” because many times we don’t know. We just smile and say “he/she is doing just great.”

We gamble with a society that doesn't understand autism or most disabilities.  We are constantly fighting to help others understand. 

We may even gamble with our own feelings. I can tell you that this is probably the biggest gamble, because our children need acceptance at home before they can get it anywhere else.  

Yet, we continue to gamble.  We do it for our child.  We take risks even when we are scared to death.  I would like to think that most of us gamble with a sense of hope.  I for one have never gambled hoping that my child would be "normal." But rather, I've gambled in hope that he would be the best version of Drake.  Still, it's a gamble. The unknown can be quite scary and some cannot get past that part.  They get stuck in very bad place, much like the mother did in this particular episode.  

I took a chance many years ago, fairly early on, and decided that I would accept autism with my whole heart.  Some may say, that was a huge gamble on my part. That meant learning everything I could, talking to people who are actually autistic, and never expecting Drake to be anyone but Drake.  We've had years and hours of therapy that have done nothing but better him. By better him, I mean help him to be confident in who he is as an autistic child.  I have gambled many times in the last seven years with this child and we are still winning.  I contribute our winning streak to my constant optimism and refusal to allow anyone around him who doesn't hold onto that same hope for him. Does he have deficits?  Of course.  Don't we all?  However, he has proven over and over again that he is an overcomer.  He can and will do great things.  I believe that with the whole of my heart.  Maybe that's a risky gamble, but I cannot imagine living any other way.  I owe it to Drake to always gamble with his best interest in mind.  

It's okay to take risks and step outside of our comfort zones.  Being the parent of an autistic child is not always going to be easy, but what's most important is realizing that the child you've been given is yours.  We as parents need to eventually come to a place of acceptance. We have to put comparison behind.  We have to let go of what we "thought" life would be.  Things may not be as you had envisioned, but that certainly doesn't mean life can't be great.  Remember... there may be bad days, months, or even years....but that doesn't mean you need to stop gambling that there will be wonderful days ahead.