Autism isn't unicorns and rainbows.
You don't understand severe autism.
You are in denial.
You shame other mothers by being so positive.
You shouldn't judge us because we talk about the hard times.
I don't think you understand autism at all.
I'm glad your life is so glorious, but I hate what autism has done to my child.
These are only a few examples. Sad isn't it? The world we live in has become so harsh that being positive is seen as a failure of sorts. I don't understand such a way of thinking.
I completely understand that autism is not a walk in a field of daisies on a warm Spring day. Our life is not always sunshine and Care Bears. I have never claimed any of these things, nor have I ever objected when anyone stated that caring for an autistic child or adult is easy. Raising children in general is not easy. When you add in additional needs, destructive behaviors, aggression, self-harm, seizures, and a whole host of other issues that can tag along with autism, the road can seem quite complex and even hard.
However, as simple as it may seem, this is the life you and I have been given. It is up to us to make the best of it. I choose to make the best of it every single day. Ya'll, we have really crappy days. Some days I do not like autism. I don't love the fact that it causes Drake to have trouble communicating his needs. I do not love that it prevents him from doing some things that I think he would love. But, one thing I don't do is dwell on any of that. I focus on what he CAN do and what he WILL do. I believe in him and he knows it. Autism is as much a part of him as breathing. It is the essence of his personality. I cannot imagine him being any other way. He is who God intended for him to be. This is the child I was given. And honestly, I never once wished for a different version.
My hopes, dreams, and prayers for him are not lost. I don't look at him with a sense of dread and despair. I look at him and see so much potential, hope, love, and I cannot wait to see what his future will hold. This is his life. His dreams are his. When autism was introduced to our lives I didn't feel that all my dreams of a perfect child were shattered. What I did realize was that our path would be different, not less, just different. I made it my mission to get him the help that he needed to be all that he could be. I want Drake to be the absolute best version of himself. I want to make sure he has all the tools, skills, and confidence to do anything he wants to do. That is my job as his parent.
I have absolutely no idea what his future holds. Heck, I don't know what tomorrow holds. We may be faced with new challenges or we may hit a huge milestone. The beauty of it all is each day is a new day. I cannot sit around and dwell on the what ifs of life. I don't despair over the life we have been dealt, and I am very smug to anyone who treats us as though our life is less.
I don't feel like I'm missing out on life. THIS is my life. From the moment Drake was diagnosed I had a new purpose, and I gave it my all. I still do, every single day.
You see, life is all about perspective. It's about finding joy in any way you can. Yesterday was not the best day for Drake. He had kind of rough day at school. But last night, before bed, he came over to me on the couch and snuggled up beside me. He covered his legs with the blanket I was using, put his hand on my face and without saying a word I knew he was happy.
My goal in the last seven years has been his happiness. We have spent countless hours on the road going to appointments, therapies, and school. Through it all, my main objective has been his happiness above everything else. While I know that learning skills is important, my focus has always been making sure he is happy. I have removed him from several situations, people, and places that do not make him happy. I will continue to do that as long as I'm alive.
So you see, when someone insinuates that I am "too positive" about autism, it offends me greatly. I suppose most people want me to talk about every single challenge we face. They want me to bare Drake's soul for the world to see. They want me to explain all the difficulties he has so they can empathize with me and all my hardships in raising an autistic child. They want me to be real, and by real I mean they want me to show weakness. People, you're in the wrong place. I will never speak of Drake as if he is incompetent. I truly believe that one day Drake will read the words I've written about him. Do you know what he will never read? He will never read that my dreams were lost. He will never read that I was embarrassed. He will never read that my life was ruined. He will never, ever read that he was anything more than an absolute joy.
He won't read those things because I refuse to put every weakness or difficultly on display for the world to see. I certainly wouldn't want people to do that to me. Can you imagine if someone started a Facebook page about your life and told every weakness and difficultly you had? Doing it to children is no different. And yes, I will absolutely speak out against anyone who shames their own children on social media. I will speak out against it because I don't want my son to one day read the words of some mommy-martyr and wonder if I ever felt that way about him. Please don't misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with telling your story. But if you cannot speak about your children in a respectful way, then it may be best not to speak about them at all. Autistics are human beings, ALL of them. They deserve to be spoken about respectfully, no matter their severity level. You can call me judgmental, a parent-shamer, or any other ugly thing. I do not care. What I do care about is the message that many parents choose to put out into the world. Many times it is a message that shames their children, and in doing so...shames mine. I will not stand for it. I will not accept it.
I want a positive world for kids and adults diagnosed with autism. I want them to be proud of who they are. The message of autism awareness shouldn't be a crying mother who is in constant despair because her child is different. That is not autism awareness. Awareness is about helping people understand that differences need to be accepted. We cannot expect society to accept our kids when we continually vomit out a message of despair and shattered dreams. Acceptance starts and home, always.
0 comments:
Post a Comment