Joy Doesn't Need A Cure

Let me start this blog off with a bang.  If you're one of those folks who hates Autism, this probably won't be the best read for ya.  Then again, I invite you to open your mind up and let go of some of that bitterness.

You see, I've been on this journey with my son for almost five years.  Drake recently turned seven, and he was diagnosed with autism just a few months before he was three. You may think..."wait, that math doesn't add up."  That's because I knew way before his diagnosis that he was autistic.  I'm one of those paranoid mamas and my instinct is almost superpower level in strength.  Folks, I was a literal basket case the first time I ever Googled anything about autism.  Why?  Because I didn't understand it.  So, from the time Drake was around ten months old, until he was eventually diagnosed with Autism around 2 1/2 years old, I was literally a nutcase. In fact, I should probably have a PHD on my wall based on all the research I did those two years.

I didn't tell a soul for several months of my suspicions, not even my husband.  I wanted to make sure I had all my facts straight.  I wanted to understand things myself before I presented the idea to anyone else.  I was scared out of my mind.  I read all the articles about people curing their kids with these magical biomedical treatments and special diets.  I read stories of children who suddenly didn't have autism anymore.  I read about the horror of some therapies. But, one day I stopped reading and had a plan of sorts.  Drake needed a diagnosis and Drake needed therapy, those two things I knew for sure.  I also knew that Drake was always going to be autistic. Always.  There is no magic pill.  There is no special food that will change him.  He is autistic and always will be.  It wasn't very hard to accept.  It was a fact and I accepted it as such.

Those first few months after diagnosis were life-changing in many ways.  I realized I could no longer hold a job and get him the kind of help that he needed.  I realized that everything about my life before was not going to be the same.  Instead of signing up for T-ball, we were signing up for Speech, Occupational, and ABA therapies. It didn't bother me, it just became my mission.  I'm not a baseball or soccer mom...I'm an autism mama.  I eat, sleep, and breath all things autism.  I wanted to know anything and everything about it because it is such a huge part of my son.  I wasn't sad about it, I was determined.  Determined to make sure he received the best care, the right doctors, the best therapists, and more than anything acceptance.

So you see, when people send me videos, articles and thoughts about how to cure my child...I am offended.  Drake doesn't have cancer.  He is not dying.  He is not sick.  Drake is autistic.  His brain works differently, and my friends that doesn't mean he is diseased.

I've found a way to take this bull by the horns and win.  And that way is through acceptance of my son. You see, joy doesn't need a cure and when I look at Drake I see joy.  He is happy being who he is.  You cannot have any joy or peace if you can't accept your child for who they are. I don't care how many supplements you pump into your kid, or how many oils you rub on their body...if that child is truly autistic they will ALWAYS be autistic.  If some medication, supplement, or therapy helps your child then HOORAY!  I'm happy for you and I'm sure your child feels better in their body.

I'm not a cave man.  I understand that some people diagnosed with autism need lots of help.  I understand that autism affects my child differently than it affects a lot of children.  Your child may be higher functioning than mine or mine may be higher functioning than yours.  You know what though?  They are both still autistic.  I'm not envious because my friend's child is higher functioning, their child is not mine.  God gave me this child.
I am in full agreement that some may need special diets or  all sorts of medications and supplements to balance their body  In fact, Drake takes several supplements.  They make him feel better.  They make him feel more at ease.  What they don't do is take away his autism.  I have zero desire to make Drake non-autistic.  If someone showed up at my door tonight and said, "If you give your son this pill, he will no longer be autistic."  I couldn't do it. I don't know what kind of child I would get in his place.  I don't know who he would be.  Maybe that makes me a moron, I don't know.  I just don't look at autism and see it as demonic.
Autism has not stolen my child from me.  Do we have hard days?  Absolutely.  I would love to take away Drake's frustrations, anxieties, and struggles.  But, not all of that is autism.  Some of those things come from co-morbid conditions such as Apraxia of Speech and anxiety disorder.  If someone offered me a magic pill for Apraxia of Speech I would be all over it.  Drake wants to talk.  He wants to verbally express himself.  You may say, "well, whats the difference...if you would cure one, why not the other?"  Because autism makes him who he is. His personality, his quirkiness, his humor, the way he observes things, his honesty, literal thinking,  the way he thinks, sees, and feels are all traits that I love about him and autism. I am not bitter about autism and what it has "done" to my child.  It's who he is, it's part of him.  Taking away autism would take away the Drake that I and so many others love.

One thingI have learned on this journey is to listen to other autistics.  I've spoken to many and almost 100% of them have told me that they are proud to be autistic.  Yes, some of them have other medical conditions that hinder them greatly, but it's not autism they complain about.  And I'll  tell you this, you "cure people" hurt them with your words.  Your words make them feel unappreciated, unaccepted, unloved, and unnecessary.  That's a hard pill to swallow isn't it?  But, it's the truth.

Those of you who want "normal" kids rather than the ones you were blessed with are damaging to the autism community.  Not only that, you are working so hard to fix your kid that you're missing out on some amazing opportunities.

You're missing out on:

Watching the trees in the wind.

Listening intently to the birds.

Being at peace in the forest where there is little noise.

Finding joy in a colorful piece of ribbon.

Noticing the texture of something new.

The way water feels on your skin.

Hearing rain underwater.

Being able to completely ignore people without a care in the world.

Very little interest in the material world.

The simple life.

Loving and being loyal to a select few.

Joy that is indescribable.


All of those things above are things I've learned from Drake.  He is very in tune with his senses and often awes me with things he loves.  More than anything else, I've learned to stop comparing Drake to other kids and just enjoy who he is as a human being.  Yes, I have worries that are far more intense than what normal parents face, but I also have immense peace in knowing that Drake is happy.  I'm thankful that I've always kept that as a top priority when speaking to people about Drake. "I want him to be happy."  That is how I begin any conversation with a new therapist, his IEP team, or a doctor.  His happiness is what drives me. Again, joy doesn't need a cure.  I've chosen to see the joy in this life with Drake.

If you are struggling with acceptance, know this...your kid feels it.  If you want your child cured, even if you haven't voiced it to them, they know.  These children and adults are not rocks.  They understand what you are saying, feeling, and how you portray them in the community.  If you want joy on this journey you must accept them.  They will grow by leaps and bounds once they know that you believe in them  AS an autistic person.

I invite you to accept autistic people.  Help them be all they can be by encouraging them and  helping them along the way.  If I had to guess, they will help you far more than you will ever help them.