You're Doing It Right, Mama

I had a meeting with Drake's teacher this morning and something amazing happened during that meeting.  It was almost like the heaven's opened up for a moment and everything became crystal clear.  I felt this instant relief flood through my entire body.  This feeling only lasted for a second, but it was powerful enough that it took me a few minutes to be able to drive when I made it back to the car. I love his school.  Every single person...right down to the janitor knows my child by name and they all treat him like he is the most important person there.  His teacher and the rest of the staff in his special education class are phenomenal human beings.  When I drop him and Koda off in the morning, I don't worry...ever. I could never put into words what a huge relief that is. I never thought public school would work for Drake.  I heard too many horror stories and went into my first IEP last year with all my paperwork, my advocates, my therapists, and I was ready for a fight.  I never had to fight...

You see, I have been in full-blown mission mode for the past four years.  Every single thought, breath, and moment has been in high gear.  From the moment Drake was diagnosed at two and half yeas old,  I was on a mission to make his life as bearable, happy, and content as possible.  I knew he needed good, solid therapy. I knew it would be a battle to get that therapy and get him all the services he needed.  I researched, I sent emails, I made phone calls, and I prayed.  If the person I needed to talk to could not help me, I called someone above them.  This has truly been my life the past four years.  Thankfully, and by God's grace, I have been able to get everything Drake needs to help him.  There have been so many times when I've wondered if I'm doing too much, or if I'm not doing enough.  It has been a constant battle, mostly with myself to do whatever needs to be done to help Drake be the best version of himself. In the process I've become a terrible friend, someone who forgets important events, I've given up hobbies, I am more snappy with my husband, I've become a bit demanding, I need more naps,  and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.  But you know what?  It was worth it.  Every single bit of it.  Every sleepless night filled with nail-biting anxiety, every phone call, every email...it was all worth it.

Throughout these four years I have made changes when necessary to make sure Drake is happy, learning, gaining independence, and just being allowed to be a kid.  I have pushed him to be the best he can be....but never close enough to the edge that I feared he would fall. This morning when I met with Drake's teacher we talked about many things.  Drake has been have some minimal behavior problems the last couple of weeks and I wanted to make sure we are both on the same page.  I wanted to make sure he is being challenged enough, or maybe he is being challenged too much.  Having a non-verbal child makes it so much more difficult to always know what is going on, but when you have a team of people that understand you and your child...it's a beautiful thing.

Drake's teacher and I discussed several things.  We talked about his schedule, we talked about his behaviors, social skills, communication, etc.  In the midst of all that she kept saying, "he is so bright." The funny thing is, she wasn't just saying that to make me feel good, she meant it.  He IS bright.

Drake is smart, funny, clever, very aware of his surrounding, eager to learn, charming, easily engaged, and so very happy.

Then she said these words:  "I have actually changed the way I teach and think about things because of all you've done for Drake."

That was when the heaven's opened.  People, seriously, for just that brief moment I knew that it was all paying off.  All the therapy, phone calls, long car rides, sacrifices, sleepless nights, research, fights...it has all been worth it.  Now, please don't think I am tooting my own horn.  Quite the opposite.  If anyone deserves a gold medal it's Drake.  He has done all the work.  This kid works harder than most adults in one day.  I admire his strength, perseverance, and willingness to try. However, being a special needs parent is no joke. And when someone looks you in the eye with tears in their eyes and says they admire all you've done for your child and they see it...well, I think that is the goal.  Our ultimate goal as parents is to put our children in the right places at the right times so they can shine.  Drake is shining bright.

Try as I might, I could never put into words how thankful I am.  I'm thankful to be this child's mama. I'm thankful God has given me the tools and the sass to get Drake what he needs.  I'm thankful for my supportive husband, family, and friends.  I'm thankful for Drake's therapy clinic, his ABA therapists (who have worked actual magic to help Drake), his speech therapist, and this phenomenal school he is attending.

I don't think for one minute that we aren't going to have bumps in this road. However,  today I'm sure of one thing, I may not be doing a lot of things right, but I can say with confidence that I'm a good mama.  I'm doing the best I can, and Drake is thriving.  That's enough for me.