During the course of our visit we talked about many different things. They have always been so good about showing interest in what is happening in Drake's life. During one of the conversations I talked about Drake and I swimming in the pool a few days earlier. It started to rain while we were in the pool and we stayed because...well, why not. Drake has always been fascinated by rain and wind. At one point it began raining really hard and I noticed that Drake kept going under the water. I decided to go under myself...and the sound was magical. It was sensory heaven. When I finished the story my friend looked at me and said...
"Sometimes I envy ya'll so much."
It kind of caught me off guard and I turned my head kind of like a dog would when they are trying to figure out what you're saying. I replied, "really?" She said, "yes, I really do." Keep in mind, she didn't say those words with malicious intent. I believe she was being completely honest, but with complete admiration and respect.
From there the conversation changed, but I can't get those words out of my mind. I have analyzed them over and over. You see, most of the time special needs parents are the ones who have an envy problem. We envy what we think should have been or perhaps even what will be. We envy the "normal" comings and goings of life. We envy the way people in the world take almost everything for granted. We envy what we perceive as the easy life. Honestly, I don't envy much anymore. I had my moments in the beginning though, lots of them. Because I've chosen to be a glass half full type of gal, I suppose it has helped me to see the beauty in the drastically different life we live.
So, for her to say that she envies our life...well....saying it shocked me is an understatement.
Since that day I've tried to figure out what exactly she envies. Here are a few things I've come up with.
1. Our simple life. Everything about our life is simple, very little is ever complicated. As a family, we all love just being at home together. We don't care about the comings and goings of life much anymore. If we have to choose between going out to eat or cooking a meal, we choose to cook a meal. For this reason we turn down lots of plans. We say "no' a lot. Has Drake made us this way? Quite honestly, yes. And we like it. In many ways I believe this is why Drake is so chill most of the time. We don't force him to do things for our benefit. If I think he can handle it, we give it a try. If not, you get a firm "no."
2. Drake has zero interest in materialistic things. Hearing rain under the water is much more exciting than the latest lego set. He loves nature, wind, rain, shiny things, hugs, tickles, string, water, his dog, and only certain people. He never asks for anything at the store. If he does and you tell him..."we have that at home," that is good enough for him. No complaints. He never sees a toy on TV and demands it. If we all woke up on Christmas morning and there was nothing under the tree for him, he would grab his iPad and go sit in the chair without a care in the world. That's kind of awesome, isn't it?
3. Drake never asks to do anything outside of things we do at home. He isn't interested in sports (thank you Jesus, I don't have to sit in the burning hot sun while he tries to hit a baseball). He doesn't complain if we don't let him do this or that..unless it has the word iPad attached to it. He may ask to go see his grandparents, go to church, or go swimming. We take him places and we try to expose him to as much as possible, but at the end of the day....home is where his heart is. Don't get me wrong, he likes to go lots of places, but there is always a smile when we pull back into the driveway.
4. Our life is easy. Now...before ya'll start throwing daggers, let me explain. Autism is hard. Everyone who lives it, knows that. Some days I count down the minutes until bedtime because I've had about all the autism I can take. But, most days are just easy. We keep things simple. We have a routine and we stick to it like glue. Every day is kind of the same. There may be a day or two a week that things are different, but for the most part we stick to a strict schedule because it makes Drake's life easy, and therefore ours. Drake has an intense therapy schedule that would blow most people's mind. Five days a week we are on the road 2-3 hours a day for the last four years. I know that doesn't sound easy at all, but it's easy for us because it's what Drake needs. He wouldn't be where he is today without it. This leads me back to #1 above....because our life is so busy during the week, we love more than anything to simply be at home on the weekends and decompress.
5. I've thought long and hard about how to word this one. I think it would be easy to envy our life when you think about how scary the world is today. There is a pretty huge likelihood that Drake will never be addicted to drugs, enjoy the taste of alchol, steal (intentionally), or any of the other horrid things that his typically developing peers may be tempted by. Being blessed with literal thinking helps in many ways. Drake doesn't see skin color, he doesn't know what hatred is, he doesn't know about wars and famine and death, he just lives and loves. The fears that parents of typically developing kids have will most likely never be my fears. On the other hand, I have fears and worries they cannot imagine.
After writing these thoughts down, I can understand how our life would look less complicated in many ways. While we have many worries, they are not the worries of the world. Living this life is truly like being in a different galaxy. People on the outside don't always understand us, but those who do can see the beauty in it all. It can be hard, isolating, complicated, infuriating, but also peaceful, simple, beautiful, untarnished, and freeing. But then, I'm one of those weirdos who thinks autism is cool. I'm fascinated by the way Drake sees and hears the world. I love the way he communicates non-verbally better than most people verbally. I love his snarky little expressions and the way he demands attention. I love his curiosity and his brilliant mind (a mind that I would love to live inside just once). I look at him and I'm amazed most days. If I am envied for any of that I am proud. Autism can be hard, but loving Drake and the life he has helped us live is easy.
Beautiful! You are so inspiring! Thank you
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